I'm not sure about the details but I guess it was chickenpox. It was about 15 years ago. Anyways my brother, for whatever reason and most likely chickenpox, was not feeling good for a few days and our neighbour visited him and brought him a book from "Mr. men and little miss" collection.
I poljtely waited for a while to see what they were going to offer me. To my surprise, nothing! I started crying and yelling what about me? Poor neighbour, went home and came back with a Tarzan book. I was happy that I got what I deserved(!) while a bit embarrassed. Why? Because a few days before then, the neighbour was telling my mom that I was "more mature" than my brother. And now I have ruined everything =D
To be honest, I always knew how to win adults appreciation by acting "mature". The sad part is that I was thinking that I am the one deceiving adults. However, now, I believe it were adults who were manipulating us with labels like "mature", "well-behaved", etc; the very unnecessary (and unhealthy) characteristics for a child. Anyways, I was good at making people think I'm mature and wise. That was a way I had others approval. And the worst thing about having anything pleasant is the fear of losing it. It was the beginning of pressure on me. I had to stay mature and maintain a high standard in my behavior, including but not limited to my academic performance, my emotional capacity, my tolerance, etc. This is how my childhood was robbed from me.
On my way to keep the appreciation, I had even done lots of unjustifiable things. For instance, my mom's cousin was speaking English to me and my brother the other day. I was trying to convince him how great English speaker I was, so I interrupted my brother several and several times to speak instead. Later he was mad at me because of that. Being competitive was not the best thing I could be. Not learning to be vulnerable and weak and imperfect was not the best thing to miss.
What a childhood!
P.s: no edit/proofread
