Not your average duckling

Ducklings

 

But the ugly duckling never falls down 😏😎

Reward for my patience

I have two boxes of pills. I have them for over three months and each day I take one of each. First week of taking them, I picked one, then went to the other box to grab the other pill when the first pill slipped to the other box. I couldn't find it because there were many pills in the box.

Fast forward to tonight, I found the lost white pill between all blue ones. It was like the ugly duckling finding his truth, but this time the truth found the ugly duckling

Jack of all trades

I'm looking for an old man to trade my eyes and my glasses with three magical beans. I'll give my soul on top if the beans come with an elevator; I'm too tired to climb.
I wanna keep my phone though, I'll never give it to the old gentleman. Maybe there is a high speed internet up there. Then I can update my android too. I've heard there's a new version of Spotify that needs the latest android. I don't have a premium account but I can, at least, listen to Adele and President Obama on shuffle high on the clouds.
What if an ad pops up while I'm lost in the songs? Maybe I'll sell one of the beans so I can afford to pay for the subscription and get rid of ads. The downside is that the buyer can use that bean to come up. I want to be the only one in the castle. Oops, I forgot that the giant's gonna be there.
I hope I can get a good deal from the old man. Maybe a "back to school" student discount, I don't know. I should check online on EBay too, there could be better offers. But before, I should find my glasses, without them, I can't breathe.

Last seen: One year ago

A)
I said "I'll be proud of my dad if my car or phone be better than his. I owe a lot of it to him"
- No, don't act as if you're deep. I mean you're spending money for yourself, taking care of yourself. You weren't like that and I'm happy for you.
+ Touché

 

B)
It was exactly last year, this moment of the day when the plane landed and I started a whole new chapter of my life. A lot has changed not to mention the disgusting cliché: I know myself more. I like to put it this way: I am, now, less misinformed about myself.

 

C)
Fights and conflicts are not the only ways old friendships can end. Dealing with different timezones can do the job pretty damn well. Alike, mutual hobbies or topics of interest are not necessary for new ones to form. Being in a physical proximity for a long while does the trick.
Which means either friendships are overrated or randomness is underappreciated

 

D)
I went through an important surgery and so far so good!

 

E)
Who you think you are? How you define yourself? With your job? With your hobbies? With your passions? Have you tried something that you never tried and neither think you could be that? How many times had it happened?
To me it happened a lot this year and I learned I'm wrong about myself when I say "I'm a X person". If I try 'not X' probably there is a room for a little of 'not X' in me too. Including the things you consider as your intrinsic values including but not limited to: morality, religion, political leaning, life goal, etc

 

F)
I prefer depression over anxiety. I mean I'd rather be sad but in peace instead of being happy but stressed out.

 

G)
You don't need to be productive to be valuable. You don't need to be something or somewhere special to be valuable. But still perseverance is magical buddy. If your goal is reasonable and worth it, be tenacious and I promise you, you can do it! I emphasize again though; your value is not dependent on that goal in any shape or form.

 

H)
If you think you're flawed and it makes you feel worthless, think about the people you love and their flaws. They're still flawed and you love them, so flaws don't make you unworthy of love.
If it didn't help, think of people whom you feel worthless when you are around them. And think about how flawed, and in some points, embarrassed they are. Those people are flawed too, so who are they to make you feel worthless?
Still didn't work? F* you, you are a whole mine of potentials, just keep digging and f* them all.

 

I)
Cats are a*holes but you can enjoy their presence as well.

 

J)
No matter how weird, strange, and/or distinct somebody looks/acts/talks, they are humans. With the very same vulnerabilities, fears, and craves as yours.

Empty-minded

There is this feeling that you are not happy, satisfied, or motivated. But you still feel good. What a great word is "carefree". You don't care, you don't have much of feeling, you don't feel anxious, and you can't pinpoint any meaningful emotion inside your head. Relaxed-like type of thing which is not actually relaxed either. It's "carefree". Am I carefree now? Who knows?

What's happiness

I'm sad that merely not feeling awful makes me feel I'm happy. I'm not. There is a lot going on and I'm bombarded with tons of challenges. I'm good at handling them in a way that they don't annoy me, but that's just it. Just avoiding misery. Happiness? Error 404: not found

No face, No case

I just noticed that when I'm thinking of other people, esp in the form of imaginary scenarios, I usually don't picture their faces in my mind. Strange!

 

Edit: I googled it and someone had almost the same condition. Among the answers, this one fits me the best.

I usually picture "vibes" instead of faces.

Intuitive writing 2

I'm not sure about the details but I guess it was chickenpox. It was about 15 years ago. Anyways my brother, for whatever reason and most likely chickenpox, was not feeling good for a few days and our neighbour visited him and brought him a book from "Mr. men and little miss" collection.

I poljtely waited for a while to see what they were going to offer me. To my surprise, nothing! I started crying and yelling what about me? Poor neighbour, went home and came back with a Tarzan book. I was happy that I got what I deserved(!) while a bit embarrassed. Why? Because a few days before then, the neighbour was telling my mom that I was "more mature" than my brother. And now I have ruined everything =D
To be honest, I always knew how to win adults appreciation by acting "mature". The sad part is that I was thinking that I am the one deceiving adults. However, now, I believe it were adults who were manipulating us with labels like "mature", "well-behaved", etc; the very unnecessary (and unhealthy) characteristics for a child. Anyways, I was good at making people think I'm mature and wise. That was a way I had others approval. And the worst thing about having anything pleasant is the fear of losing it. It was the beginning of pressure on me. I had to stay mature and maintain a high standard in my behavior, including but not limited to my academic performance, my emotional capacity, my tolerance, etc. This is how my childhood was robbed from me.
On my way to keep the appreciation, I had even done lots of unjustifiable things. For instance, my mom's cousin was speaking English to me and my brother the other day. I was trying to convince him how great English speaker I was, so I interrupted my brother several and several times to speak instead. Later he was mad at me because of that. Being competitive was not the best thing I could be. Not learning to be vulnerable and weak and imperfect was not the best thing to miss.
What a childhood!

 

P.s: no edit/proofread

Intuitive writing

I just remembered sth from my childhood (abt 12yrs old)
I had a book full of maps of different countries and I was a fan of "empire games", those games that you're a king, you fight and expand your territory. I was more comfortable playing alone so I had a paper with my soldier count and budget on it and used a long ruler as my weapon (sword or gun), fighting with imaginary opponents. Each game happened on a specific map and I was constantly updating my territory after each war. There were different variations of the game (modern time vs ancient, starting as a prince and inheriting the crown vs starting as an ordinary person, happy vs sad ending, etc) and I would keep playing each for a week or two. It was played in my parents room or in my room when nobody was there and it happened a lot that my mom scolded me for jumping on the bed. Sometimes it had a bit of romance taste to it as well.

The very same game setting was also of my interest when I was a super hero doing different things having different super powers. I was again playing it alone in my parents room with different scenarios and variations.
In those years I had another game I remember which had a similar nature. I used to draw a small store on a paper and working hard to expand my business. Still my budget on the paper, my inventory size too. Still alone and when my brother asked me to join I rejected. However later we played the same thing together and I cheated a lot to be superior than him in the game. I rent 'myself' as a car to my brother to earn more money; I was carrying him on my back!

I used to play with him a lot and I don't know when was the "I prefer playing alone" time point. I even remember that in some cases I was insisting and even manipulating him into playing with me when I was ten or eleven.

What a childhood.

 

 

P. S: just wrote whatever came to my mind with no proofreading. Any mistakes? Cut me some slack

Red

1) Red lipstick is one of those popular stuffs I don't like much. Neither its color nor the fact that it's a lipstick. In spite of its provoking nature, (according to witnesses anecdotes,) it tastes bitter. And not always its nature is provoking. Neither does it taste bitter all the time.

2) I've had tons of imaginary fight scenarios in which I've beaten the hell out of a random imaginary offender. It feels so good when I'm fighting them back in my thoughts in a way that makes me smile. Or even grin. Seemingly that's the real me and what's more satisfying than letting my real self free, even in a non material world. But if the same scenario happens in the real life, I'd prefer controlling the outburst of "the real me," doing the things in the most tension-free way.

3) Nostalgia might have been a red lipstick. Loved by so many while not being my most favorite thing. With a tricky ungenuine loads of feelings not matching the reality of it. And the unstability in the mentioned characteristic.
Nostalgia might have been an imaginary street fight with a guaranteed win which brings a broad smile to your face while trying it in the real life has no guaranteed success (if no guaranteed failure) and is nothing worthy of risk either.
Nostalgia is red. Worrisome. Hateful. Painful. Disgusting. Sign of danger. Still attractive. Still unavoidable.

And destructive. How much? Click to see